Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
