I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
