SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
