My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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