If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
