Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
