I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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