We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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