You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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