Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
