after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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