At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
