the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
