Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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