I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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