I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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