I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
