So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
