If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The air was thick with penises
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
