We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
