Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
