i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My liver just had a heart attack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
