I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
