it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
