I think i sorta joined a cult last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You pole danced in your parka.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
