What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
