We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
