Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
