Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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