god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
