Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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