Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
