Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
