Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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