But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
