We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
