I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
