Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
