This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
