you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have fence marks all over my body
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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