She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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