Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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