Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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