I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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