I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
