PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
