bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
