A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
