I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
