Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
