Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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