Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
