im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
