if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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