Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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