The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
